Comments on: Do You Have The “Debt” Gene?

By: Amanda/RunningOnCoffee

Amanda/RunningOnCoffee — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 23:04:51 +0000

I had always been under the impression that my parents were great savers, and we didn’t really do anything extravagant, though we usually did go on some kind of vacation each year, even if it was camping, not staying at a hotel. I feel like after I moved away after graduating from college, their situation changed (or they started complaining). When hubby and I got married, they suddenly didn’t have much to contribute financially (but boy did they have quite a contribution to the guest list!) I never asked for financial support after my junior year of college, with the exception of our wedding, and since then I haven’t asked for anything. It is awkward on the once a year occasion that they come visit and we go out to dinner and are not sure whose responsibility it is to pay (do they buy dinner? do we split? we’re not stable enough to pay for the whole thing yet!)

Hubby’s parents are quite different. When they visit, they pay for everything without a hesitation. I have learned that they paid off their mortgage on hubby’s childhood home in 5 years (interest rates were also super high in the early 80s). They have since moved (5 years ago) and their new home is paid off, despite it costing more than the house they sold. They are by no means “Wealthy” and are not showy in any way, but they have made references to leaving things behind for my hubby in their will (not a conversation i like!)

Meanwhile I am concerned my parents will come to us for money when they are older, based on all the comments I have been hearing from them for the past couple years. I can’t tell if these comments are the truth, or if they are exaggerating.

Regardless, I try to avoid all money conversation with them when possible. It is stressful to me. I am making every effort to be wise with my money. Hubby and I do not carry balances on our CC (though we do use them for reward points!), both of our cars are paid in full, we have a Roth IRA, and an emergency savings fund/house down payment fund. I have paid off 2/3 of my grad loans since finishing grad school last year. Hubs is still in grad school. I think we are doing well at paying down our debt, and saving for the future despite living in a high-cost of living area (NJ) on only one full time (educator) salary.

By: Clare

Clare — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 14:14:42 +0000

This really hits home. My parents are terrible with money and I’m constantly weighed down with the concept that I am their retirement plan.

By: 27 and Frugal» Blog Archive » Dealing With Money & Family Guilt

27 and Frugal» Blog Archive » Dealing With Money & Family Guilt — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 03:10:44 +0000

[...] I have previously written that my father lives on a fixed income in Wyoming. I have also mentioned that he borrows money from me. [...]

By: Brendan

Brendan — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 13:22:40 +0000

Coming from a large family its funny that we all spend money differently. I have some brothers who live paycheck to paycheck and others who do a good job of savings. The crazy part is the ones who are living paycheck to paycheck make MORE the me who is trying to save what i can!!!!

By: eemusings

eemusings — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 23:22:19 +0000

What a great post. Financially, BF and I come from polar opposite families. But although his side may not have a lot of money, everyone pitches in to help everyone else however they can, and are generous with what they have (for example, we’ve had his sister’s barbecue for a few months and they haven’t asked for it back yet.)

But like you say the downside is you can be dragged down by them. It isn’t easy to save and build up your own solid foundation when your family members can barely pay for rent or food sometimes.

By: Dee

Dee — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:23:19 +0000

I definitely got the shopping gene from my Mom. But I don’t buy things that I don’t have the money for; never have. So there is that.
But when I look at my closet and see rows of shoes or stacks of jeans, I see where my money is!
I consider myself to be good with money, but I would have more money in savings if I didn’t see weekends as shopping time, which is what we did when I was growing up.

By: leslie

leslie — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 00:04:31 +0000

It is great to hear that others know what it feels like!

@Serendipity: It is very common in this area for people my age and older to receive a lot of financial assistance from their parents and, like you, I try my hardest to not be envious of that. I just have to remind myself that I know I can handle the tough stuff and I like knowing that where I am today is because of no one else but myself.

@Meg: Are you and your parents helping each other at getting the finances back on track?

By: Serendipity

Serendipity — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 21:06:59 +0000

I completely understand the not having access to money thing. I feel very resentful about that. I’ve had to work so hard for everything, from school to a car and I see my friends have so much help. I’d even love for my dad to put 20 bucks in gas in my car. I’m trying not to be resentful and I keep telling myself life isin’t fair but sometimes it’s hard when your friends are bragging about the car payment their parents can afford and your barely making yours. :/

By: Meg

Meg — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:37:29 +0000

My parents were absolutely reckless with finances and as a result I spent my late teens and very early 20s getting myself into debt. At 22 I realized I did not want to end up like my parents (financially that is!)so I’ve started to straighten myself out, slowly and surely. My parents served as a warning to me – I’d rather work at becoming debt free at 23 than 50 like my parents!